Frequently Asked Questions

Whether you've seen a counselor before or not, you may have a lot of questions. Hopefully these address some of them but if not, please call or email. The first step is to contact me and together we will get you on the road to healing.

Why would I see a therapist when I could just talk to a friend?

How are you different than other counselors out there?

Are there any problems that are too trivial to seek counseling?

What does counseling look like with you as my therapist?

How long does counseling last?

How much does it cost? Do you take insurance?

Why would I see a therapist when I could just talk to a friend?

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The relationship between therapist and client is different from your relationship with your friends in several key ways. First, I as a therapist am bound by fairly strict rules of confidentiality, which means that I am not ethically or legally allowed to discuss what goes on in session (or even the fact that's you're coming to therapy at all!) except in a small number of very specific situations, or if you sign a release form that allows me to speak to a specific person or group about your therapy.

Apart from confidentiality, the big difference between your therapist and your friends is that your therapist exists outside of the normal flow of your life, and therefore has the perspective of an outsider. This means that the therapist will likely not jump to the same conclusions that a friend or family member might, but will instead challenge assumptions and provide different ways of looking at your situation. Additionally, because of the nature of the therapeutic relationship, your therapist won't get angry or offended if you reject their observations or ignore their advice, whereas your friends very well might.

In the final analysis, therapy isn't intended to replace your friendships; both have a role in your life. Just as you turn to a doctor for your health concerns, or a pastor or rabbi for your spiritual concerns, the therapist is there for your mental health and relationship concerns.

How are you different than other counselors out there?

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It is important to recognize that we are all impacted by the people in our lives, whether we're seeking couples counseling, or dealing with a stressful job, depression or any other individual problems. Whether our struggles cause relationship strain or prevent us from building relationships, having a counselor appreciate the people who may not be in the room is very important.

My training and experience is in a specialized form of counseling called Marriage and Family Therapy, which means that I appreciate that you are not living in a vacuum but have many aspects to and players in your life. While this obviously means that I work with couples (and I most certainly do), it also means that even if we're working one-on-one together, I am thinking of the people around you in your life and I will treat them with respect and care. I will also sometimes ask to have you bring your partner or family into your session, since in many cases "individual" problems have a big family component as well.

As a married father of two small children and a former corporate IT professional, I have had the hectic life of a technology consultant, trying to balance all the strain that goes with the career with the pressures of family life. I have always lived with great diversity whether its racial, socioeconomic, cultural, or simply a wide variety of personalities that have come together to get something accomplished.

There aren't many Marriage and Family Therapists out there (only 12% of mental health professionals have this speciality) and with a life before counseling, a sense of humor, hope, and an ability to juggle your many interconnected issues, I have great success helping a wide variety of people and relationships.

Are there any problems that are too trivial to seek counseling?

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The short answer is, "It depends."

The real answer is that there is no standardized yardstick for determining whether you should seek therapy for a particular issue. Just as each person is different, our reactions to various events and problems in our lives are different; a particular event may be devastating for one person and barely register for another (and vice versa for a different event). The real yardstick for whether therapy is warranted is whether you feel distress or not: if you find that something is taking a toll on your own well-being or on that of your relationships, then odds are that you can benefit from therapy, regardless of what the specific issue may be.

What does counseling look like with you as my therapist?

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"Counseling" to a lot of folks means the classic scene from the movies, where a bespectacled fellow with an accent asks questions of a client who's lying on a couch, usually about their mother, their dreams, and so forth. Or, conversely, it means lots of syrupy talk about feelings with lots of spontaneous group hugs and what-not.

Counseling with me – and with most modern therapists – doesn't really look like either of the above scenarios. Don't get me wrong – feelings are indeed fair game in sessions, but I'm more interested in how you interact with your thoughts and feelings around your situation than in forcing you to be or act a certain way. Rather, I feel that my job is to help you see yourself and your situation in different lights and from different angles; new perspectives often contain new solutions, attitudes, and ways forward.

The first couple of sessions is the "intake," where I cover the basics of what therapy will look like and what each of our roles are. I also use this time to get some background information from you and to hear your story about why you're seeking counseling. Once this groundwork is laid, we move forward into therapy proper. My approach is to allow each session to be fairly fluid, so that we can respond to whatever life's thrown at you since the last session, or to explore any new ideas or insights you might have had. I like to see my clients as the experts on their own lives, and I bring my own expertise to the table in terms of research that's out there, features of mental health, and ways various people have found to move forward in their lives.

Couples therapy with me looks a bit different, in that I focus on creating experiences in each session that help bring the couple together. I'm not big on sending couples home with skills to practice or other "homework;" instead, change happens in the therapy room itself. This style of therapy often feels emotionally exhausting at the end of the session.

You can read more about my therapeutic approach on the Approach page.

How long does counseling last?

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This is another "it depends" kind of question. As is usual in my practice, couples and individuals generally have different approaches and different timetables. I usually do one session per week, but every other week is also common. For individuals, I will do multiple sessions per week if the situation calls for it.

For couples, my approach typically takes as few as 10-12 sessions and as many as 20+ sessions. Couples often perceive progress after just a few sessions.

For individuals, the "usual" length of therapy is all over the board, since people come to therapy for all sorts of reasons and with all sorts of goals. My shortest successful completion was just four sessions, and I've seen clients who come each week indefinitely. It really depends on the goals you have for your therapy, and the nature of the problem or situation you're trying to move through.

How much does it cost? Do you take insurance?

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My standard fee is $75 per fifty-minute session, although I do offer a sliding fee scale for those with financial need.

I am not in-network with any insurance provider, which has some benefits and drawbacks. The drawbacks are fairly obvious: since I am not a part of your insurance provider's network, I don't automatically get paid by them for your counseling, which means that either you get your insurance company to reimburse you for my services as an out-of-network therapist (their willingness to do this varies from plan to plan and company to company, but it's always worth asking about), or you pay out of pocket. The difference may not really matter anyway if you haven't met your deductible; until the deductible is met, you're paying out of pocket wherever you go.

The benefits, however, often outweigh the drawbacks, because I am not obliged to share my information about your therapy with anyone you don't want me to. This can be a major plus; for example, if you're in a career where having a record of therapy may be problematic (many people in the military have this concern), counseling with me will remain off your record with your insurance company, and thus will not impact your career later on. Similarly, if you're concerned that a mental health diagnosis will hurt your chances of getting life insurance or health insurance later on, all therapy with me will stay off of your insurance records.